Today’s piece is an impromptu dedication to my boss, Pam Doto, who passed away late Saturday night.
In a way, this piece was always meant for her, I just wasn’t aware of it, and knowing that is sad and uplifting, a paradox that only a tragedy like this can create.
Originally, this piece was called “Creative Freedom” and while Pam was with us, I received a lot of that.
She often called me an “arteest,” in a joking attempt to make the label sound classy.
She was always ready to let me try something new, to “wow” her in some way.
She always believed in my creative eye and made it possible for me to get a way with (quite) a few things.
She thought everything I did was amazing, and I can still hear her countless praises in my head.
She was such a kind soul, and she was every bit FPG.
Her passing is mind-boggling. It feels so unreal that I’m not even sure I can mourn correctly. I can’t shake the thought that I’ll never be able to see her again, that none of us ever got to say goodbye. But what’s most chilling, is that I can’t wrap my mind around death. I feel like I’m in a mental limbo every time I try to explain it to myself. I understand the idea of ceasing to exist, but the ramifications are either beyond my comprehension or I refuse to accept them.
My heart goes out to her friends and family, many of which I currently work with. Seeing the look of sadness on their faces is heartbreaking. I can’t even begin to imagine how they feel. My only solace, and the only bit of solace I can offer to those close to her is that she is definitely in a better place– and it doesn’t matter where anyone thinks that “place” is. She is no longer in pain, she isn’t suffering. We are the ones suffering, and we will continue to mourn her, but I find comfort in knowing she isn’t.