I am confronted, once again, with the cruel reality that sometimes the people who should be rooting for you, aren't. Sometimes I feel like I should be tougher than that;
Why do I even care if anyone is rooting for me?
Half way through my 22nd year of on this Earth I feel very ambivalent and confused about which roads to take (hopefully the one less traveled). Early twenties identity crisis? Yes, please! With a glass of confused and a shot of mayhem.
Once again I’m trying to walk the fine line. To what degree, if at all, should I depend on other people's "rooting"? I think it's innate to feel like we want others to appreciate and have our backs, particularly those we love. There's something about feeling protected and knowing that someone we love, and loves us, must support any thing that we do. And yet I feel guilty for that vulnerability, because I try to live my life as independently as possible.
The other day I read a newsletter from one of the artists I follow and she spoke about why we attribute negative connotations to feeling weak or vulnerable when in fact these things are more like feeling hot and cold; neither is innately bad. When you're cold, drinking something hot is good, and vice versa. So feeling weak is simply a state of being, and feeling this way for wanting to feel loved, cannot be bad.
And yet it's completely okay to not give a rat's ass if anyone is rooting for me as long as I am. My art is part of a piece of work that isn't persuaded by anything other than what I want it to be persuaded by. It is entirely personal.
BUT... This isn't about art. Art is an aspect of my life. But I'm talking about a grand scale. People that don't root for you in the most basic of concepts: assuring you that you will succeed in life, period. And should I feel bad? Hurt? Confused?
Well, duh! I don't expect everyone to root for me, but there are just certain people that should. And I think it's just part of the job, part of the duty associated with that love. Don't you root for the success of the people you love the most? Isn't that kind of a simple concept? Guess not. But dammit it I'm going to raise hell.
I'm having lots of feels about this topic. Hopefully none of you can relate, because it's a sad moment to go through, but as life would have it, many of you might. So it sucks, and you just have to accept the hurt and remove yourself from, either, those people, or that conversation. It's that simple. It won't make the hurt go away, but it will better your perspective.